Dec. 1, 2017
Cats In the Hat – or – Lovie’s All You Need
If there is any one B1G team virtually constructed to serve as the
ultimate solution to any other Division 1A team’s victory-shortage
problems, it’s the Ill-Annoy Fighting Lovies. The moribund
Ill-Whine-I are, far and away, THE worst team I’ve seen NU play this
fall – even surpassing the inept BuGS-U Gnats in their overall lack of
competitive spirit and drive. It’s almost sad to witness what has
become of Shampoo-Banana’s B1G Ten Team; but then again, I cannot hold
much sympathy for a coaching staff, a team and fanbase which are so
truly leaderless, so self-destructive and so self-delusional,
respectively. I had harbored thoughts of travelling the 3 hours
to central Illinois last Saturday to see the expected evisceration of
the Ill-Whine-I at the hands of Chicago’s B1G Ten Team, but then I
declined to do so simply because I felt the whole enterprise might
end-up being one gigantic waste of valuable time, especially since so
many other more compelling college games that warranted viewing were
available from my cable broadcast provider. To put it mildly, I
wasn’t wrong on either that relative assessment of worth or the more
constructive use of my personal free time. My Gawd, Ill-Annoy is
horrible beyond comprehension. How did this once proud,
former B1G Championship football program ever get to this ignominious
point of gridiron futility, dropping 10 straight games and posting an
Oh-fer win-loss record in the B1G, while under the supposed care &
guidance of a former Super Bowl HC, I’ll never know. Well I guess
that’s the difference between 1) a coach on temporary hiatus from the
professional ranks and 2) a coach who ends-up becoming the chief
custodial engineer of a collegiate football program having the literal
olfactory stimulus & course heading of a bilge-filled, rudderless
ghost ship that’s an embarrassment to itself & its Power 5
brethren. In the first case, that HC gets paid to manage existing
talent; and in the second, the HC’s primary directive is to develop
viable football talent from the ranks of those 18-22 year old young men
who have been recruited to become able seamen on your ship of
fools. And from my vantage point sitting on my comfy couch in
front of a plasma HDTV, I came to the inescapable conclusion that,
first, the 2017 version of the Fighting Lovies have very little viable
talent; and, second, what talent may roam the locker rooms of Memorial
Stadium, there certainly doesn’t seem to be much development of that
talent base into anything that eventually might become moderately
competitive within the next half-dozen years or so.
Unfortunately, that’s what you get under the mentorship of an NFL-level
HC like Lovie Smith, who appears too business-like and detached from
his team personnel. However, when it comes to pigskin coaching
acumen, Lovie’s talent development skillset is far superior when
compared with the indescribable incompetency that had been
characteristically commonplace during the HC tenures of his two
predecessors, Tim Beckman & Bill Cubit.
With the Ill-Annoy HC situation being what it is, one undeniable fact
remains unchanged: the Ill-Whine-I are the laughingstock of the
B1G. The underlying reasons why the Orange & Midnight
Blue-clad ass-clowns have continued their trend of providing comic
relief to each of their gridiron opponents over the last six seasons
are equally unchanged over that same period of
time.
How the ‘Cats Spanked the Ill-Whine-I (Again)
Youth Movement Consequences
One item that is irrefutably obvious regarding the 2-deep roster of
Ill-Annoy football team, HC Lovie Smith has made the executive decision
to forego any semblance of assigning PT (playing time) based on either
returning veteran status or player seniority by class and to assign
starting & 1st substitute positions primarily to his Frosh &
Soph players. IMHO, Lovie’s choice to populate his depth chart
via an infamous youth movement cannot be predicated on the circumstance
that this high number of younger players had actually “beat-out” their
older, more experienced teammates, but it’s simply a matter of a
profoundly imposed “out with the old & in with the new” PT
policy. A “house cleaning” policy such as this can be very
counterproductive because it countermands conventional PT assignment
based on superior field play meritocracy and, without a doubt, will
negate whatever positive chemistry might have existed among Ill-Annoy
player personnel in past seasons – or even in past months.
Essentially, the youth movement that Lovie apparently has implemented
comes at the very high price of wholesale disillusionment among veteran
players who, quite frankly, end-up checking-out emotionally from this
“grand plan” that the coaching staff is attempting to pull-off on the
players. And the Ill-Whine-I veteran players are acutely aware of
what the hell is happening.
Ill-annoy, at the behest of HC Lovie Smith, has penciled-in more true
Frosh starters on his depth chart than any team in Division 1A –
16 in all – with 79 total Frosh starts across the Ill-Whine-I’s
11 games played in 2017. In addition, Mr. Smith has used 30
different first-time starters of any class and has proffered PT to 22
different Frosh players at some point within those same 11 games.
These starting Frosh & first-time starter statistics are double,
and sometimes triple, similar stats recorded by any other 2017 B1G or
NCAA Division 1A team. And the most salient point of all this
drivel is that Lovie’s golden child starters don’t appear to possess
any greater talent than the returning veterans for the Ill-Whine-I –
they merely have potential (read: not fully developed) talent that may
or may not get realized. Talk about cutting the competitive heart
out from your veteran players with a dull butter knife. And
what’s worse still, I’m extremely certain that Lovie Smith’s youth
movement decision has the blessing of the powers-brokers currently
residing in the offices of both the university athletic department and
university administration at large. Frankly stated, this situation is a
sanctioned public crucifixion of most of the veteran football athletes
wearing Orange & Midnight Blue uniforms. From my perspective,
Lovie has turned his back on all those older experienced players,
basically saying that whatever successes they had accumulated in past
seasons add-up to a big fat zero – that potential talent trumps
“proven” talent. Oh… And don’t let the door smack you in your
unappreciated azz as you exit the Ill-Annoy locker room for the very
last time as a schollie athlete at the conclusion of your Senior Day
game against your in-state rival. Reports from reliable sources
close to the Ill-Whine-I football program and from various players
themselves, in the wake of last Saturday’s NU vs Ill-Annoy trainwreck,
have confirmed an ongoing exodus of “returning” veteran players who
apparently have read the writing on the walls of Memorial Stadium in
the penmanship of HC Lovie Smith outlining their escalating reduction
in PT and are making their own gut-wrenching decision to jump ship
while they still have viable collegiate eligibility left. Could
anyone blame them for this radical reaction?
NU’s 42-7 beat-down of an already demoralized Ill-Annoy team was more a
mercy killing than a victory. I must admit, those out-classed
true Frosh and first-time starters gave it their best shot; but in the
game’s final analysis, they came to a gunfight with their “hated
in-state rival” toting a slingshot in hand. It was no contest
from the opening whistle to the final gun.
Hey Lovie… Hat – Hat – Hat – Hat – Hat – Hat – Hat – Hat – Hat –
Hat – Hat – Hat – Hat – Hat – Hat – Hat. That’s one replica
Land-of-Lincoln Trophy for each of your 16 true Frosh starters (akin to
those gold football pants bracelet charms Da BuckNuts distribute to
each of their players after they’ve beaten their long-standing rival,
Meat-Chicken).
What’s even more poignant is that Mr. Smith probably won’t survive what
years remain on his HC contract with the Ill-Whine-I before those
approving U-of-I powers-that-be realize their hiring gaffe and scramble
to do the needful regarding cleaning-up the football program’s Exxon
Valdez-level oil spill disaster that is currently occurring on their
watch.
LOS Dominance
In his opening comments from his post-game presser/interview with
broadcast media & journalists, ‘Cat HC Pat Fitz mentioned that
Ill-Annoy’s OC, Gerrick McGee (NU’s former OC from the ’06 & ’07
seasons), employed a wrinkle to his standard game plan that the
Ill-Whine-I offense executed flawlessly on their first possession of
the game, allowing them to drive the ball 69 yards in 12 plays and
culminating in the home team’s only score of the contest that gave the
Fighting Lovies a short-lived 7-0 lead. For the rest of this
grapple, the U-of-I O gained a paltry 170 yards net off the 52 downs
across their remaining 14 offensive possessions, only one of which was
not a 3-n-out (7) or 4-n-out (6) series. These final game stats
boil down to the simple fact that, after giving-up that opening
possession TD, Doc Hankwitz’ defensive front 7 beat the ever-lovin’
crappola out of the Frosh-centric Fighting Lovie offense, especially at
the LOS, where Doc’s D collected 4 sacks & 5 TFLs while limiting
the Ill-Whine-I O to 11 first downs total for the match. Bottom
line: over Ill-Annoy’s last 52 plays, 9 went for minus yardage,
complimented by 2 INTs and a sack-induced forced fumble that was
recovered by NU Frosh DT Sam Miller at the Il-Annoy 3 who promptly
bulldozed his way across the goal line with bean in hand for the
Wildcats’ first defensive TD of the season. You can do the
efficiency math. That’s the stuff of vintage Wisky or State Penn
defensive domination, folks.
Not to be outplayed, the Wildcat OL had its own hay day in the
sun. Despite getting dinged for 2 sacks (of which only the 2nd
was a legit sack given-up by NU’s OL off a well-executed Ill-Whine-I
blitz), the ‘Cat OL limited the Ill-Annoy defense to a single TFL,
while recording just one penalty (holding) over the entire
contest. That was about the extent of the OL’s bad news. In
contrast, the OL’s good news was evident everywhere as OL coach Adam
Cushing’s unit consistently opened rushing lanes in the LOS for Purple
RBs to exploit. And did those Purple running backs, 8 different
non-QB ball carriers in total, ever exploit these holes to the tune of
306 yards gained off 41 rushing attempts, averaging 7.5 yards per
carry. Even ‘Cat NT Tyler Lancaster got into the ball carrier
act, doing his best William “The Refrigerator” Perry imitation, when he
rumbled 5 net yards off 2 consecutive rushes during NU’s final
possession of the game to close-out this contest’s hostilities for the
afternoon.
Many among Ill-Annoy’s faithful fanbase might have taken umbrage with
the use of Mr. Lancaster as a NT-turned-RB novelty; but then again,
that’s what a rivalry game is all about… You stick the business
end of a red-hot hearth iron up the moon of your rival and give it a
twist for good measure. Besides, if you truly were insulted at
this bread-n-circuses theatre, your beloved Ill-Annoy D should have
stoned the 300-lbs running back dead in his tracks when he received
those 2 handoffs; but they didn’t. So be it.
I hope the sting of this shame endures for seasons to come. Mr.
Smith, your Fighting Lovies deserve every field play humiliation that
Fitz might conceive. But then again, what does it really matter,
when ultimately, you’re destined to become yet another forgettable
Ill-Annoy head coaching footnote, like Tim Beckman and Bill Cubit, in
another season or two?
Skill Position Gulag
If the Cleveland Browns (or do you call then “The Clowns”) are the
professional team where quarterbacks go to die, then Shampoo-Banana is
collegiate football program where high-potential high school
quarterback recruits go to get their unproven behinds thrown into a den
of ravenously hungry lions. Ill-Annoy HC Lovie Smith did just
that by keeping his true Frosh hybrid RB-QB, Cam Thomas, lined-up in
shotgun set behind his OC for every play of every Ill-Whine-I offensive
series. Considering that Mr. Thomas faced one of the B1G’s best
defenses, he performed relatively well as Ill-Annoy’s primary offensive
playmaker, personally accounting for 185 net yards (46 rushing &
139 passing) of the Ill-Whine-I’s 239 total net yards gained over the
entirety of last weekend’s match. However, IMHO, the only lasting
consequence that Lovie’s excessive utility of his newbie QB wrought was
to turn his Frosh running QB into the Wildcat D’s personal heavy
punching bag for the full 60 minutes of this bug tussle. The
casual college football fan might dismiss this decision by Mr. Smith
simply as a HC giving his starting QB a golden opportunity to “gain
more competitive experience” in dealing with the speed and intricacies
of Division 1A-level football. Although this perspective might
hold a modicum of merit; to me, as a former player, it merely exposed
this talented newbie QB to potential devastating injury that could have
ended the young athlete’s season or his career in short order.
IMHO, that’s not simply short-sighted coaching, it’s irresponsible
coaching; it’s professional-ranks coaching; and most certainly, it’s
not collegiate talent development coaching. The difference is
very telling.
Conclusion
OK, OK… So the Northwestern Wildcats devoured the Twinkie
Ill-Annoy Fighting Lovies on the home team’s turf, Zuppke Field, on
Senior Day, in front of hundreds of rivalry- enraged Orange &
Midnight Blue-clad fans, to capture the contest’s “W” flag and snatch
the “B1G Brass Hat” Land O’ Lincoln Trophy token for the third straight
season. Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah-Day!!!
On a more sobering note, there is little solace to be had by the
veteran Ill-Annoy football players following this blowout defeat at the
hands of their in-state arch-rival, because their “house-cleaning” HC
euphemistically has crammed them, one & all, into a dark, dank
closet for the remainder of their eligibility years as a NCAA U-of-I
schollie athlete. Forget about your aspirations of honing your
field play talent to become the most competitive Division 1A level
athlete you’ve envisioned for yourself since you were in Pee Wee ball,
playing the endearing sport you sincerely love. You’re now
yesterday’s red-haired step-child, discarded unceremoniously atop the
trash-heap of broken dreams that your HC has built specifically for
you. That you harbor thoughts of reviving your athletic
aspirations at another football program that might appreciate and
welcome your accumulated talent and experience is much more than a
little understandable. Despite it all the cacophony associated
with your HC’s youth movement decision, regardless of whether or not
you remain an active student-athlete within the University of Illinois
at Champaign-Urbana, the sheepskin you eventually earn will carry you
much further in your life’s pursuits more than your sport ever would or
could. However, that pseudo-comforting rumination doesn’t make
the pain of abject rejection smart any less. Only time will salve
& repair that wound.
Next-up… The post-season bowl beauty pageant selection process
that will determine the date & location of the 2017 Wildcats’ final
prime-time game of this season. With that fickle, unpredictable
and enigmatic decision-making operation still to come, the primary
objective of every Purple player over in these next few weeks is to
heal oneself from the rigors and injuries absorbed by you during your
team’s B1G battle campaign. Once that selection process has
finished, Fitz and his football coaching staff will carry the initial
cerebral workload to construct an appropriately conceived game plan
that emphasizes what the “collective you,” as a team of dedicated
athletes, do best to ensure your greatest opportunity for
victory. Then it’s up to you to execute that game plan to the
best of your abilities. We very proud members of Wildcat Nation
support you and will cheer you on lustily, both in person and at
whatever venue will broadcast your final 2017 match.
I look forward toward witnessing your next gridiron battle holding the
greatest confidence for your individual & the team’s
success.
The Waterboy
“Win with Grace, Lose with Dignity”
|
The Waterboy is a former football player
and a Northwestern
alumnus. Aside from these facts, he has no affiliation with
Northwestern University. The commentary he posts here is his
own, and does not necessarily reflect the views of HailToPurple.com.
